Elderly Cache

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Elderly Cache #1114
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Due to the unattractive nature of their withered physique, the elderly are required by law to wear as many clothes as possible so as not to put people off their dinner. This Elderly Cache contains an item of clothing suited to those of a wrinkled disposition, with most pieces coming in a shade known as forgettable mauve.
Type
Supply Pack

Elderly Cache is a Supply Pack item that can be acquired via TCC's Benefit Block, and as a Subscriber Reward

Possible Contents

Upon opening the Elderly Cache, the player will receive one of the items from the list below

Elderly Cache
Image Item Description
large.png Bathrobe There's nothing better than sinking into a fluffy white Bathrobe after a nice hot crack bath - which is a lot like a regular bath, except you smoke crack while in the tub. This particular robe is made from the purest white silk, and is modelled on one which Whitney Houston owned.
large.png Bingo Visor This lurid green Bingo Visor is a must-have accessory for any self-respecting douchebag. Whereas they were once sported by old folk who wished to avoid the glare of the bingo hall's halogen lights, Bingo Visors are now often worn by young people at the beach, and that guy from that band called A. Remember them? No, nobody does.
large.png Chinos These lightweight cotton Chinos are perfect for the man who wants to make minimal impact in every room he walks into. Their dark beige color matches the aura of their wearer, and we guarantee that nobody will expect you to be funny or interesting while wearing them.
large.png Collared Shawl The Collared Shawl is a timeless piece of knitwear which suits both the elderly and the elderly at heart. If you're lucky, you might find butterscotch candies stuck to the inside pocket. If you're unlucky, blood.
large.png Cover-ups Too cheap to afford a pair of prescription sunglasses? These cover-ups are an affordable alternative, as they are designed to sit on top of your regular spectacles and protect your peepers from the sun's harmful rays. However, while wearing them, you do run the risk of looking extremely frail, so bear that in mind.
large.png Flip Flops Flip Flops are commonly worn at the beach or on holiday, but those of an elderly persuasion are fond of wearing them with a pair of socks underneath. Pensioners probably do this due to the wretched state of their ancient feet, which makes you wonder why they don't just wear a pair of damn shoes instead.
large.png Golf Socks Constructed from a poly-cotton elastane blend, these Golf Socks are so durable that the only way you'll get a "hole in one" is through a game of Foot Russian Roulette.
large.png Head Scarf The favored headwear for terminally ill patients and white women returning from a gap year in India, the headscarf is a versatile piece of clothing well-suited to various climates - except wind or rain. This headscarf is made from a piece of floral fabric, and would not look out of place on the head of an 84-year-old woman whose husband recently passed away.
large.png Nightgown The only thing better than wearing a silk nightgown to bed is dying in your sleep - peacefully, of course. Contemporary nightgowns are mostly worn by women, but can also be worn by men awaiting a visit by three judgemental spirits in the dead of night. This particular nightgown has a buttoned-up access panel about the rear for the release of nightly discharge.
large.png Pleated Skirt Traditionally the preserve of substitute teachers with scant regard for their appearance, the Pleated Skirt has made a comeback in recent years, and can now be seen on people who you'd easily describe as a potential 7/10. This particular skirt is made from Navy Blue flannel, which is exactly as sexy as it sounds - not very.
large.png Pullover This tight-fitting, woolen pullover comes in a unique shade of brown rarely seen outside of a sewage sluice. Soft to the touch and hard-wearing, this sweater is very much a one-off, in that as soon as you put one on, you'll want to take it off.
large.png Reading Glasses Struggling to read that Report on Crime? These Reading Glasses will help restore your eyesight to that of a prepubescent child. And they come with the added bonus of making you look like a very old lady.
large.png Sandals These leather strap Sandals are exactly what the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ might've worn if he lived today or indeed ever. And speaking of fictional tales, these particular Sandals were purchased in a job lot from the producers of the 2000 movie Gladiator, who used the money to purchase tranquilisers for Russell Crowe at the wrap party.
large.png Slippers These neoprene foam Slippers were stolen in bulk from a fancy spa retreat just over the Torn border. Both comfortable and wipe clean, these foot gloves will prevent you stepping on broken glass as you make your way through the kitchen at midnight to grab yourself a beer.

Patch History

Released in Patch list #