Cutesy Cache
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Cutesy Cache #1117
The colorful clothes and accessories in this Cutesy Cache wouldn't look out of place on a nine-year-old girl. These days, you're more likely to see them on a woman in her mid-thirties who still describes herself as a dweemgurl pwincess.
Type
Supply Pack
Cutesy Cache is a Supply Pack item that can be acquired via TCC's Benefit Block, and as a Subscriber Reward
Possible Contents
Upon opening the Cutesy Cache, the player will receive one of the items from the list below
| Cutesy Cache | ||
|---|---|---|
| Image | Item | Description |
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Ballet Shoes | Ballet Shoes are shoes you wear for performing ballet, not while attending a ballet. You could wear ballet shoes while attending a ballet, but people will be confused and think you are performing in the ballet, when really you are just attending a ballet in ballet shoes. If you do decide to wear ballet shoes to a ballet in which you are not performing, simply because you like to wear ballet shoes, you'd have to explain to multiple people that you weren't performing in the ballet, you were simply attending a ballet in ballet shoes, and that could be quite long-winded. |
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Bunny Ears | Myxomatosis is a severely painful disease in rabbits which attacks their skin, eyes, lungs, and genitals. Remember that the next time you appropriate their culture by wearing these Bunny Ears. |
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Cat Ears | These Cat Ears won't make you look like a cat, but they will make you look like you have the ears of a cat. To complete the full cat look you'd need whiskers, a tail, and a spine flexible enough that you can reach your posterior with your tongue. |
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Check Skirt | This red checkered cotton skirt resembles the type worn as part of a uniform by British schoolgirls - and the occasional schoolboy, if he was feeling adventurous. |
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Dungarees | Dungarees are jeans with ideas above their station. Pair them with a banjo and a gap-toothed smile for that timeless hillbilly look. Alternatively, if you're bald, add a pacifier for that cute "I'm a giant baby" aesthetic. In America, dungarees are known as overalls, but not in Torn. Overall, the term overall doesn't make overall sense, given that this slutty combination of jean shorts and a denim vest does not cover over all of your body. |
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Hair Bow | A Hair Bow may look cute, but they also serve as a signal to others that your hair is a gift to them. When wearing a Hair Bow you must therefore be vigilant, and avoid accessorizing with matching gift tag earrings, lest you be scalped by a confused onlooker. |
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Heart Sunglasses | If you're an Elton John cosplayer or simply wish to hide the hate behind your sunken eyes, these Heart Sunglasses will do the job. Obviously the hearts which these glasses depict do not in any way resemble real human hearts. But legend has it that if you fly to South Africa on a Tuesday, you can pick up pair of surprisingly realistic liver aviators. |
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Kitty Shoes | These red leather Kitty Shoes are perfect for anyone who loves the color red, and who likes cats. They are wholly unsuitable for someone who prefers purple and is obsessed with narwhals. |
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Knee Socks | Knee Socks imply that the wearer is somewhat playful, or that they have really ugly shins. These pink cotton Knee Socks stop just below the thigh on a regular-sized person, but could probably be used as a sleeping bag by those of restricted height, such as Oompa Loompas, or Tyrion Lannister. |
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Lolita Dress | The term Lolita means a sexually precocious young girl. To avoid Torn being shut down and raided by the police, we're going to end this description right here. |
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Polka Dot Dress | Red Polka Dot dresses are closely associated with the 1950's, and wearing one implies that you love everything about this decade, including racism, the Cold War, and the mass coverup of the harmful effects of smoking by international tobacco companies. Who knew that wearing a little old dress meant so much! |
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Puppy Ears | If you want a headband which comes with the ears of a full-sized dog attached then you are shit out of luck my friend. But if you're after some realistic-looking Puppy Ears, then why not buy a pair of these Puppy Ears? They look like real Puppy Ears. PUPPY EARS! |
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Tights | Tights were invented in 1965 by the famous bankrobber Ian Tights, who wished to obscure his appearance while performing criminal acts. In the 1980's, women found a new use for tights as a leg covering, with these thin, nylon garments helping to hide the fact that they hadn't shaved their trouser-arms due to feminism. Today, men and women of all ages enjoy wearing tights, thanks to a resurgence in their popularity caused by the 1993 documentary Robin Hood: Men in Tights. |
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Tutu | The Tutu was named after its inventor, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, who wore the garment to public rallies in the 1980's to distract white South Africans from the fact he was helping to dismantle apartheid. This Tutu is made from pink gauze and will rise up when the wearer pirouettes, or stands over a leafblower. |
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Unicorn Horn | Many people believe that Unicorns possessed a single large horn in the centre of their head, however, recent paleontological evidence suggests they actually had one giant tentacle there instead. But don't let that stop you perpetuating the Unicorn horn myth with this brightly colored plastic Unicorn Horn, which you can also wear around your waist as a Merman's penis. |